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I think I may enjoy all-nighters too much. There's nothing newer than the sunlight when you haven't slept, and my room has once again been converted into a kind of dormy studio. It's exactly like this time last year, only I have to go outside to smoke and no-one's drunkenly crooning next door. Drawings and books are scattered all over my bed so I can't really lie down, even if I wanted to. But spending the night thinking and writing and pounding coffee and getting excited and crossing things out and writing them again and feeling alternately passionate and engulfed by doubts and making more coffee suits me perfectly. Artistic struggle reminds me how good good can really be.

I'm making a comic and writing a story about (surprise) the constant inevitable driving rush for something new and painful; i'm organizing a paper on the importance of street art in the digital/information age and penning a love letter to joseph cornell, the man who hid in his mother's basement with junk and boxes for his entire life. Swoon. Perhaps I hate college sometimes because I simply feel guilty. Who am I to get to study and spill all over the things I love most in the world?

In a week I'll be back in MA for quite some time. It makes me nervous. I've become quite accustomed to this city and the janky-ass rhythms of my life here. I look forward to (finally) having the time to surround myself with paints and pictures and pens in that huge quiet orange room of mine but- really? I haven't spent more than a week in my mother's house since I moved to Providence. The space makes me angsty, as if I'm reverting to the 15-year old ghost of myself that still lives under the bed.

Oh yeah and I'm turning 21 in less than a month. Oh yeah and I'm in madly in love with this vast, neon slab of concrete I live on. Oh yeah and I'm confronted by my heroes every day. And the constellations of people I know, spread out across this city, this coast, this country, make me smile on the daily. So thanks for that, i guess.

Comments

i wish i had half your energy/drive!

i know what you mean about going home and reverting. whenever i went home from college, i suddenly was afraid of the dark. no kidding. then my parents sold the house and moved into a condo and i no longer have a past to visit, which is a weird feeling.

anything schmancy happening for the birthday?

November 2009

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