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Jul. 1st, 2008

(no subject)

Hello there, it's been awhile, thankfully my real journal has been thriving for the first time in months. It's essential, really, that I keep talking to myself. I don't understand how so many people seem to get on so well without it.

I've been picking up all kinds of beautiful junk lately: a shrine-box the size of my head, a pile of dusty french stories bound in the most ethereal blue, home-made ani difranco tapes on the side of the road. Somerville is a good place for packrats & bicyclists.

I need booklists and photographs, you need letters/postcards/comics. let me know where you're at, I have an obscene number of envelopes lying around: olikewoah at gmail dot com.

Most everything else is beyond words right now. Suffice to say: I'm okay with growing up, I flipped a coin and decided to move to new york, I'm putting together some kind of book, and I've been smiling when I wake up.

different, but essentially the same:

Apr. 23rd, 2008

(no subject)

“During the initial stage of the struggle, the oppressed, instead of striving for liberation, tend themselves to become oppressors, or ‘sub oppressors.’ The very structure of their thought has been conditioned by the contradictions of the concrete, existential situation by which they were shaped. Their ideal is to be men; but for them, to be men is to be oppressors. This is their model of humanity…This does not necessarily mean that the oppressed are unaware that they are downtrodden. But the perception of themselves as oppressed is impaired by the submersion in the reality of oppression…The oppressed find in the oppressor their model of ‘manhood.” -Paulo Friere, Pedagogy of the Oppressed

This paper explores how many of today’s women, through the ongoing struggle to liberating their bodies and minds from a historically patriarchal culture, have found their model of freedom- or as Freire would code it, “manhood,”- in the same sexist and misogynist practices previous feminist movements fought to cast off. A distinct lack of third-wave group identity, the highly individualistic nature of our capitalist system, a recent history of marketable “Grrl Power” and a media that represents woman according to age-old gender binaries while claiming subversion allows the largely unconscious internalization of hyper-masculine sexual and social practices as “power.” While it is important to recognize the ways in which we have disrupted traditional gender roles, I fear without a critical analysis of this phenomenon our culture will continue to demonize the feminine by treating patriarchal and capitalist values as the ultimate symbols of freedom.


Apr. 21st, 2008

(no subject)

Sometimes it occurs to me that it really is enough to have made it through another winter here, alive and relatively unscathed.

I'm in love with everything again.

I hope you are, too.

Apr. 8th, 2008

(no subject)

When the Moms and I went to New York we stayed in a hotel with a hallway painted gold, plaster busts of naked women coming out of the walls. She was resting on one of our suitcases in the lobby, out of breath from walking there when she said:

"oh molly. i'm sorry you got my genes. I can't stand doing the same thing every day either."

and then she told me my father never finished college. something about too many drugs; a funny story about acid and waking up underneath an airplane on a runway on a trip to california.

huh. wish someone had thought to mention that one before.

Stretching myself in a million directions right now: at least four geographic locations, six possible future residences, five academic disciplines, most of which i've lost practice in. Two majors i'll have to choose between eventually, three or four frames for art-making, five mediums to juggle, at least one sense of self for every paper journal i've completed (so that's something like fifteen now?) Still unconsciously answering to every age but twenty and reeling from the realization that school ends soon.

I'm writing a monstrous paper about women who internalize male misoginist practices towards themselves and others, taught by our mass media to see those practices as the currency of power. I'm basing a lot of it on Pedagogy of the Opressed, which I've been waiting to use since high school. (see: sex & the city, grrl power, the "loophole woman", cardio-strip classes, christie heifner, CEO of playboy, the charlie's angels remakes, christina's aguieleria's dirrty video, judith regan.) whoops, there goes my spot, fully blown up.

I'm making movies about memory, cutting sound bytes, writing histories of things I once loved and now know too much about, measuring butterfly wings, scrambling desperately to understand this whole experimental film thing, fighting the digital world and new media while spending alltogether too much time on my computer, learning intermittently to build a bike in anticipation of summer, forcing myself to dig and complete reflective essays, including a mind-boggling explanation of why I was suspended my sophmore year of high school for eight long weeks. Shooting my portfolio, applying for internships, applying for service jobs, applying for something to apply myself to.

driving a lot and pounding my fist on the wheel.

summer looks like somerville, and biking again, and finally finishing that novel, you know, the one I've been working on for like two years now? (oh, how I wish there were a less pretentious way to say that) If there's one thing I want to produce by fall, it's that motherfucking first draft. All I want right now is a porch to sit on and some time to digest.

It's also looking like Oregon and Philly and maybe Seattle. Printmaking and getting to see my Allston kids again, kicking it on rooftops, proceeding to round two.

Jan. 17th, 2008


"This symmetrical composition-the same morif appears at the beginning and at the end-may seem quite "novelistic" to you, and I am willing to agree, but only on condition that you refrain from reading such notions as "fictive", "fabricated," and "untrue to life" into the word "novelistic." Because human lives are composed in precisely such a fashion."
"They are composed like music. Guided by his sense of beauty, an individual transforms a fortuitous occurrence (Beethoven's music, death under a train) into a motif, which then assumes a permanent place in the composition of the individual's life. Anna could have chosen another way to take her life. But the motif of death and the railway station, unforgettably bound to the birth of love, enticed her in her hour of despair with its dark beauty. Without realizing it, the individual composes his life according to the laws of beauty even in times of greatest distress."
"It is wrong, then, to chide the novel for being fascinated by mysterious coincidences, but it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty."

-milan kundera

Jan. 8th, 2008

birthday thoughts

no way.

Dec. 25th, 2007

hello young world

christmas dinner in chinatown.

tomorrow i will build my nest next to a fire escape, again,
and no longer have to nurse my hangovers without tofu scramble.

Nov. 8th, 2007

perpetual motion

Nov. 7th, 2007


I think I've let this coffee cup full of mold sit on my dresser for a month because it reminds me of Providence.

Jul. 6th, 2007

hello, internet

It's occurring to me more and more recently that in order to take myself seriously I might have to start writing for an audience, or at least to pretend to. Blowing gigantic wads into the faceless void of the internet. Here we go!

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November 2009



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